Monday, November 08, 2010

The Good, Bad, and Ugly

Within a couple days of each other I have had some very profound advice shared to me by two people I respect immensely (who both I wished I lived closer to and hope to maintain a close relationship).

**Here comes the soapbox! Don't think you were not warned!**

I like to believe that I live in a little fairy tale world where I fell head over heels into a magical relationship - ummmmm..... from what I understand of my husband and my realationship and most of the the other couples that are within our circle of friends..... these rarley exsist. Sad I know - I am the queen of ideal, happy go lucky scenarios, truth be told, I am just going to hold on to that ideal, it is truely worth it and set out to make the happiest and most fulfilling relationship I can.

What I want to share (besides the fact that we are not all perfect) are these few nuggets of advice that were shared with me. These ladies are on to something and since it was gifted to me it is now time for me to pass it on.

I am not going to get  into the details of my relationship - this is not the place. I am going to get into the lessons I learn while sharing my life with someone, someone I love and care deeply about. I feel that some things are very personal and should be kept that way but other things need to be shared and expressed so others can relate and people can communicate these experiences that we all share. As lonely and distant as some of these experiences and feelings can be, we are in this together and often are going through the same sort of ordeal.  As much as I dislike to admit, we are not that unique.

A bit of motherly advice and 20 mores years of experience put the words to a feeling that I  know many of use face and deal with on a day to day basis.   We are all raised in very unique situations. We are the products of very distinct situations. Some people can be raised next door to each other and have an extremely different experiences or just the opposite, they could live on the the other side of the country from one another and share very similar experiences. I was raised in a very different household than my husband, different parts of the country, cultures and climates but have other upbringings that are rather similar, this is what makes us individuals and unique but also challenging to live with from day to day.

The mastery of understanding that each person is a product of their eviroment, embracing the situation from which we were created and then developed and understanding that each one of us are very differnt. We will never understand what is happening, the true thoughts and feelings that race through anothers being, this is a mistystery and is completly beautiful and enchanting in the same breath. Being able to share these distinct worlds together may be the greatest gift and the hardest challenge that people who choose to spend their lives with someone else may ever face.

I choose to embrace these challenges, as hard as they often are and as rewarding as it can be imaginable.

Moving on... to the second nugget...

Now understanding that we come from very different backgrounds, we come together and choose to move on through this this world as a couple. Yeah, the fun begins. Day to day - the most intimate of situations, every day (almost) the good and the bad, let us not forget the farts and the roses (for the record there are more farts than roses in my relationship). We can do the day to day, but can we do the day to day for the rest of our days? 

Moving, moving in the same direction, together. Yes, we may be two very different people but what matters is that these two lives are moving in the same direction, parallel paths. Our paths may be very different, involve different logic, different people and events, but they are pointed in the same direction. In the end, these two people choose to be at the same place at the end of the day, decade and helped one another get there.

We are different but both are going to the same place, my path is a bit foggy, wondering and often a bit confusing, where his is very linear, straight forward and planned out. We are taking care of each other and at the end of the day that is what is real.



I am a big sappy pile of pleasant thoughts, terribly missing J and his warm embrace, I must get outside, outside my head, and hope that I can convey to him how much he means to me as different as we are.

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